Anita grew up in Singapore, raised children in Gabone, and settled in New York City. "Because I did not know that the HIV virus could have already infected a married woman like me, it didn't pass through my mind."

Where did you grow up and what was your childhood like?

I was born and raised in Singapore and came from a very large family. I am the sixth child of nine. My mom is half English and half Chinese, my father was Indian. It was very difficult for my mother. She was an orphan who survived two wars--the Chinese Communist Revolution and World War II--and was brought to Singapore, where she met my father. She struggled with her marriage and so many children. Nobody ever asked her, "Do you want a third child, a fourth child, a ninth child?" She never had any education, and I think she was traumatized by it.

Why did you leave Singapore?

Leaving Singapore was mainly because I wanted to leave my dysfunctional family. I was 22 years old. I met my future husband, who was originally from Gabon. He was looking for a wife, so I said "OK," in a matter of 48 hours. I was waiting for someone to offer me a reason to leave and I was out.

And what did marriage hold?

It was like going from one burning pot to the next. In a marriage you have the good and the bad. My parents stuck it out, so I thought I would do the same. My marriage lasted for 14 years until I could not take the physical and mental abuse and violence any longer. The year 2000 was approaching, and I said: I have got to move on, to change my life for the sake of my children, for my sanity. I was thousands of miles from home, from help, with no friends to turn to and local authorities would not get involved in matrimonial problems. But I held my ground through a custody battle and divorce.
Later, I met a man from Cameroon and married again. He wanted to move to the US. Frankly, I didn't want to leave Africa, because I knew it would be very difficult.

We came to New York in 2000. For me, it was like Singapore, very metropolitan. But it was hard for my children. In school they found that skin color makes a difference, and not speaking English, and coming from Africa. People looked down on them and children teased them. A lot of people here have a wrong impression of Africans.

What were you doing for work and housing?

It is very, very difficult for anyone looking to make a normal life. You become the other side, like you don't deserve the quality of life that everyone should receive. We were in very bad housing and work-wise it was very difficult. I had a good job in Africa with responsibility and respect; you come here and you don't get it anymore. But we have to go forward in life no matter what. Who else is going to take care of us? My children's father passed away in 2000, and they just have me.

What was it like when you learned you were HIV-positive?

You know you can never go back and you can't be cured. It was horrible. But you go through that phase and you come out of it. Its been three years now that I've known I have the HIV virus. Sometimes when I get tired physically, I think about it. But then I have to think about going to work in the morning, how much I'll have by the end of the week for rent and bills. I have to worry if my kids are eating right and about their education.
In Africa, HIV is a major problem. People just don't speak about it. If I had ever known, or even suspected, I would have tried to find out about it. But because I did not know that the HIV virus could have already infected a married woman like me, it didn't pass through my mind. If this cycle doesn't break, we will not be able to control it.
When I found out, I had to tell someone. I have three young children, and if anything happens to me, someone needs to know the truth. I told my younger sister. Now my whole family is behind me.

Where do you see yourself going?

I hope to be able to stabilize myself here. When my kids become adults, I want to go back to Africa, I want to advocate, I want to tell those ladies, "Look at me, I am still alive, I'm in good health despite being HIV-positive. So you might have HIV." Everyone has to get tested and know where they stand.